We all know finals week can be stressful. The end of each quarter stress can lead you to do many things that aren’t studying for finals. Here at the Elephant’s Onion, we wanted to share our top tips for obliterating your finals.
1: Don’t show up.
Your syllabus most likely doesn’t have an attendance policy for finals week, right? You can’t fail if you don’t show up.
2: Don’t study.
We all know that confidence is key, and confidence is ignorance. So put aside your textbook and notes, put away the practice tests, and go to town on that Minecraft world.
3: Take a swim.
Take a quick dip in Speed Lake, it’ll really jolt that system into gear.
4: Don’t eat.
Spending time waiting for food at the Bon only takes you away from not studying. Instead hide in your room feeling immense amounts of existential dread. If you feel you must ingest some sort of nutrient, exclusively drink milk. *
5: Go to the library.
Believe it or not, the library contains books. Some of them even pertain to the subjects you’re being taught! (so I’m told) Who knew!
6: Ignore quiet hours.
Remember; the most important person here is YOU. If you need to run up and down the halls screaming the lyrics to Cotton Eye Joe to get in the groove, do it.
7: Make a midnight Chavas run.
Much like #3, nothing will jolt your system into shape like the 4 a.m. cramps the death burrito will bring.
8: Set your calculator to Radians. I mean degrees. I mean Radians wait what?
Honestly, we don’t know what to do here. We recommend memorizing the unit circle in its entirety.
9: Remember your RAs, SAs, TAs, and smart friends.
Remember not everyone has finals, feel free to visit them and ask for help, even if they happen to be sitting in a room of 20 other people bending over little packets of paper in four-hour intervals.
10: Write an article for the Elephants Onion.
Studying sucks sometimes. That’s why we decided to launch this website during finals week. If you want to write an article, email us at [email protected].
Well that’s all the help you’ll get from us.
*The Elephant’s Onion is not responsible for any choices you make at or during finals week.
